Valerie Lolomari’s story is a testament to the human ability to overcome adversity and emerge stronger.
Valerie, 52 still lives with the emotional and physical trauma from female genital mutilation (FGM) and is determined to eradicate it.
Born into poverty, Valerie faced unimaginable hardship. Through faith, she found the courage to hope for better days.
Born in Lagos, her mum was only 17 and she didn’t have much support. She took Valerie to her father’s family house and was raised by her grandmother.
Aged 11, Valerie lost her grandfather and she had to move to a new city to her relative’s house. She became a slave girl and was passed around to different families.
At 16, the expected happened when her grandmother came to visit her.
“When I turned 16 she came to visit and said we were going on a holiday. I was very excited and I packed my luggage. On the way, my grandmother said we had to stop to go and see someone in this village I had never been to before.
As I walked through the gates of the house, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. A tall, scary looking woman let us in and locked the door. I saw knives, razors and a bowl with oil laid out on the table, with two other women sitting and staring at me. I asked my grandmother why we were there. She thought it was making me clean and preparing me for marriage.
“I realised what was going to happen and decided to put up a fight. I wasn’t going to make it easy for them so I screamed and kicked with all my power. Before I knew it, I was on the floor and they pinned me down. I felt this intensely sharp pain and I thought I was going to die. I screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore. I saw my grandmother standing in the corner and locked eyes with her. She was crying.
After the mutilation, she felt dejected and wanted to end her life.
“After two days of being in that house, my grandmother took me to where she lived and I stayed there for some time, experiencing infections and multiple health concerns because of the cutting.
She later gained admission into the university . During her days in the university, she kept what happened to her as a secret because she was ashamed.
During her final year on campus, when she was 26, she met her husband Tony, who came over from London to visit his sister.
Within a year, they got married and moved to the UK. With the support of her husband, Valerie found solace and strength.
“Unfortunately we suffered multiple miscarriages as a result of infections and they took me back to my childhood and my pain. After the fifth one, my husband persuaded me to go to the doctor, but I was terrified to let anyone examine me. I even thought I might get arrested”
“I am so thankful that we went on to have three amazing children together, two girls and a boy. The births were so painful though and for the first week or so I was unable to bond with the children because I was nursing the wounds.
Through forgiveness and a newfound sense of purpose, she embarked on a mission to help other FGM survivors. Today, through her organisation, Women of Grace , she inspires countless individuals struggling with depression and despair.
Armed with her own experiences and a fervent dedication to advocacy, she strives to break down the stigma surrounding FGM and provide support to those in need.
However, her path was not without obstacles, because the village where she lives in Essex is predominantly white and FGM mainly affects migrant communities in the UK.
Today, she is an ambassador for Healthwatch Essex, a group that aims to educate others about living with trauma. She recently gave a speech about FGM at a United Nations conference in New York.
” I thought to myself about the days when I was younger, being a slave girl, then to find myself in New York, talking in front of so many people. I was very tearful, knowing I could use my pain and my voice to help others.
A lot of things were taken away from me and I lived in pain, shame and loneliness for a very long time. FGM is a life sentence and I am still living with the physical and emotional trauma. But I refuse to let it define me. I am strong and I am loved and I won’t stop telling my story until this barbaric practice no longer exists”.
Today, Valerie’s impact resonates deeply as she serves as a counsellor, educator, and advocate. Through these roles, she continues to make a profound difference in the lives of countless individuals.
As told by thevavengers
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